You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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