just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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