Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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