i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
