Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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