Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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