Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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