I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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