I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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