I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Everclear isn't food dammit
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
