Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize