just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
ttyl tear gas
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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