oh god the rape fog is back!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
