I wish I could teleport
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Green mimosas i think yes
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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