we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
