We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
