I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
she peed on how many people?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
