I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I think I have vodka in my lungs
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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