Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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