The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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