Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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