im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
