i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
