I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
