she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
