Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
