Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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