see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
