singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
