Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
