I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
