Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
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