my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
