hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
