Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
