You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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