The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
