Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
My balls are so social today.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
