Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
When did angry sex become our thing?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
