Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
