i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
