then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
