If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
