So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
