My underwear smells like fireworks.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
