By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
