I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
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