It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
