He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize