I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
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