its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
