Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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