Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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