I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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