How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
