So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
