Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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