I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
