Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
