There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
