I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
