so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
