Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
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