I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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