I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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