Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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