he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize