Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
