Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
