Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
