when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
did i walk over a car last night?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
