how can u be prego again
I cannot find my penis.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
