help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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