I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Enjoy the penises
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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