My sheets look like a crime scene.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize