explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
