We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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