It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
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